


Notes On a New Person

by myopicmickey



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Amnesiac Doug Eiffel, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, POV First Person, Post-Canon, References to Addiction, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-30 16:47:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17832368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myopicmickey/pseuds/myopicmickey
Summary: Doug knows his name and he's starting to understand what that means. It means everyone on this ship is sad, except maybe Miranda.





	Notes On a New Person

**Author's Note:**

> Somewhat stream of consciousness first person pov. Because wiping memories isn't a cure for depression or addiction. Heavy topics lightly mentioned, take care of yourself.

My dog tags tell me that I'm Douglas F. Eiffel. Hera says the F stands for Ferdinand. Isabel explains what dog tags are. Renée looks sad. Things like this happen a lot.

Daniel says a lot of things about Earth. That the gravity is higher and it has more smells and noise and space. Which is something because we are in space and that's infinite. Hera explains that there's more livable space. 

I'm from a place called Texas, apparently. And the defining trait of Texas is that it's big. I don't feel like I'm from anywhere except maybe the room Miranda and I woke up in. My body is from Texas.

Daniel says he knows good places to eat in Austin that might jog my memory. I think he might be joking because Renée looks angry at him when he says that. Not sure why, I know she wants the guy from before back. Maybe she doesn't want Daniel around when it happens because she really seems like she doesn't like him.

Hera says that Daniel and the people he came with tried to kill us. Kill means to intentionally cause someone's death. Death means to no longer be alive. They're concepts I have to think about for a while and I'm still not sure I get them. I want the Doug before me here, everyone seems to miss him. But if he was here, would I be? We couldn't live in the same body. By wanting him here, does that mean I want to …not be alive?

I get sad and get headaches when I think about it too long. Coffee helps, but apparently there's only so much coffee a person can have before it's a health hazard. Which doesn't seem fair. There's times I feel nothing and it's hard to make myself do stuff. Like get out of bed or eat. Sometimes I really want… something? Like, physically there's something I could eat or drink and it'd make me feel less bad.

I tried asking Hera about it. Turns out that humans can crave things that are harmful to us. Certain chemicals used in products for stress relief can trick the body into constantly craving them. Addiction. The first Doug drank alcohol and smoked cigarettes and now I'm in his body and I want them despite not even knowing what they were.

According to the information Hera gave me, addiction can make people angry and sad. Even more if they became addicted while fighting against anger or sadness. It's hard to hear past the jokes, but once I know I think I can pick up on it in the recordings. He had a lot to be angry and sad about and not a lot of ways to deal with it. He was still a jerk sometimes, Renée's last name isn't hard to say. But if he felt worse than I do, then I guess I can understand why he was like that sometimes.

Miranda has troubles with empathy. Sometimes she just doesn't care about others, but a lot of the time she just doesn't notice emotions. I can't stop noticing them. Renée is trying to not be sad, Isabel is angry at our bosses, Daniel is hiding his sadness with rudeness, and Hera is also sad. Miranda might be the only person on the ship that isn't. 

It's stifling sometimes. Is it going to be like this when we get to Earth? And if it isn't, is it worse? I'm trying to learn, to catch up to what I need to know. I don't want to, it seems like a lot of wasted effort if I do that and the old Doug comes back.

But he might not.


End file.
